Those of us who are aware of the Law of Attraction and the importance of positive thinking can find ourselves in a bit of a conundrum when it comes to helping others through a crisis. Whether the person we care about is sick, grieving, going through a breakup, lost a job, or has any other type of major problem, we may want to help but we might be uncertain on how to do this.
Helping others attract what they want with positive thinking can be hard when they are negatively focused.
When you understand the Law of Attraction, you know that it is critical for people make to their way back to their happy place, in order to solve their problems and create a more wanted reality. But how can you guide someone who is in despair back to his or her happy place?
Most people choose to help loved ones in one of the following two ways. Unfortunately, although these are very common forms of support, both of the ways listed below are highly ineffective in helping others find their way back to vibrational alignment.
1. The never-ending listening ear friend
This occurs when we listen to the crisis repeatedly and make ourselves available to talk about the problem at length. We let our friend or relative vent as much as they want to, for as long as they want to.
While we do this in an effort to be there for our loved ones, this strategy only creates more problems and more despair in the end. What we focus on, we create more of with the Law of Attraction. So, becoming fixated on the crisis amplifies the upsetting situation and causes more distress for the person you care about.
You may have noticed this phenomenon before, where perhaps you have talked at length about a friend’s relationship problems, and the problems continued to get worse over time, rather than better.
2. The “be positive now!” friend
Support like this occurs when we refuse to listen to the problem our friend is dealing with, and instead, we immediately try to get them back to his or her happy place. Instead of allowing our friend to vent at all, we jump right out of the gate saying things like:
“Everything is going to be fine!”
“It’s all for the best!”
While someone who utilises this strategy has very good intentions (and probably understands the Law of Attraction) this technique is also ineffective, even if the friend in a crisis knows and understands the Law of Attraction.
The reason that encouraging immediate positivity is ineffective because moving directly from distress to happiness is too big of a vibrational jump for most of us to handle.
We are capable of changing our emotional state, yes, but this usually requires passing through some of the middle emotions on our way to the higher emotions. When we are upset, it’s going to take a gradual improvement in mood before we reach our happy place again.
For this reason, telling someone to be positive when they are in a highly negative state will probably only make them feel worse. They may feel shameful about their inability to see the positive, or even worse- they may get angry at you or even shut down completely because they feel judged or misunderstood.
So, what do we do? The trick is to help our loved ones transition slowly out of their negativity. We help them raise their vibrations in baby steps.
Below, I have designed a few baby steps you can use the next time you wish to help someone in crisis. Use these steps, in order, and take your time with them. When you see a bit of emotional improvement with one step, you can move on to the next.
Remember, we won’t be able to get someone from despair to happiness immediately, but if we take baby steps, we can get the ball rolling toward vibrational alignment.
1. Let them vent
At first, let your loved one get whatever they need to get off of their chest. YES, we attract more of what we are focused on, so when your girlfriend sobs to you that her boyfriend cheated on her she is indeed drawing more cheating to her in that moment. However, this is okay, because she can always get herself into a better space down the road and attract fidelity later on. Right now, she needs relief; and venting can provide this relief.
We all know it can be soothing to release our emotions, and this means that a little bit of talking it out does indeed raise your vibration a little. So, at first, just listen, and let your loved one get out the pain. Just remember, this shouldn’t take all day. Instead, give it 10-15 minutes.
2. Validate their emotions
Let your friend or relative know that you have heard them, and validate back to them that it is OKAY for them to feel the way they feel. For example:
“I think lots of people would be upset if they were in your shoes.”
“You’re allowed to be upset right now.”
“You can be upset about this as long as you need to be.”
“Let it out.”
A good validation statement will help soothe your friend.
The purpose of validation statements is that they help your loved one feel like is ok to feel the way they feel. Validation statements make our loved ones feel accepted, even in their pain. With validation, we tell another person, “It’s okay to feel the way you feel, and I accept you unconditionally, regardless of your emotional state.”
3. Hugs always help
After your friend has vented and you have validated his or her emotions, offer a nice long hug. Hugs are highly comforting and are very effective in helping people raise their vibration. This is because they release a natural feel-good drug called oxytocin into the bloodstream. For best results, the longer the hug, the better.
Hugs are effective because they are natural vibration raisers. But as a quick note about hugs, please wait to use them until you have validated your loved one’s feelings. A hug in the middle of complete despair may likely be an uncomfortable and unwanted gesture.
4. Build a little confidence
Once you have successfully raised your friend’s vibration out of despair with venting, validating and a hug, NOW is the time to add a few positive statements. Wait until you have completed the prior three steps, because in order for someone to be receptive to positive and optimistic comments, they must be vibrationally ready for them.
Here are are some examples of confidence building statements:
“I know you’ve got what it takes to get through this.”
“I’m proud of you for …”
“You’re good at…”
“If anyone can handle this, it’s you.”
“I love you.”
Please note, I would still avoid statements like, “Be positive,” or “Look on the bright side,” as these statements might feel judgmental. Confidence building statements should simply affirm good things about the person in question in order to make him or her feel better. They are compliments, rather than directions.
If steps 1-4 have been completed successfully, you can move on to the final step, which is to distract. Indications that your loved one is ready for step five include any of the following:
a. Your loved one smiles or laughs.
b. Your loved one uses a positive statement like, “It’s probably for the best,” “I deserve better,” or “I know everything is going to be fine.”
c. Your loved one thanks you for being there for them.
d. He or she says, “I’m feeling a little better.”
e. He or she says, “It feels good to get this off my chest.”
Indications like the ones above are evidence that you have successfully helped your loved one raise his or her vibration significantly; so good work! At this point, it’s probably best to guide your friend or loved one to some other positive conversation or activity that is completely unrelated to the crisis.
Distractions are great because they keep the momentum moving in a positive direction with greater ease. Continuing to discuss the problem at this point is risky, because the subject is sensitive and it’s easy for your loved on to fall back into despair with too much reflection on the crisis.
So, perhaps, take your friend or loved one shopping, go to the movies or go out to lunch. You could also switch the topic of conversation to something your friend loves and enjoys. Pick an activity or topic of conversation that will help your friend continue to build positive momentum.
You can always preface this step by saying something like, “Let’s do something/talk about something to take your mind off of this for a bit.” I like using this statement before I move to distraction because it allows me to direct my loved one to a better activity or topic, while implying that the reason I am dropping the subject is because I care. This way, my friend or loved one doesn’t feel like I am avoiding the topic because I don’t want to deal with their problems.
So, the next time you have a friend or loved one who is in crisis, try these steps out! Remember to first listen, then validate, hug, build confidence and finally distract. With this process, you gradually raise your loved one’s vibration and help them find the alignment they need to get through this tough time.
At this time, you may have noticed that helping a friend through a crisis has absolutely nothing to do with solving his or her problem. Rather, it’s all about helping others improve their emotions.
We all are responsible for solving our own problems, but we can only do so when we are vibrationally aligned. Uplifting the people in your life empowers them to find solutions and create happier experiences for themselves.
As a final note, it’s worth mentioning that you may have to repeat this sequence of events several times for particularly serious situations, and that’s okay. For example, if your friend is grieving the loss of a loved one, this sequence probably isn’t going to solve the pain in one fell swoop. However, repeating the process is great , because it is still extremely helpful and will help guide your friend through the pain more efficiently.
The more often you help your loved ones raise their vibrations, the more momentum for positive emotions they will gain with the Law of Attraction. Each time you guide a friend or loved one through this process, you are helping him or her climb out of the darkness step-by-step.
Thank you for reading this article. I must say, if you were drawn to read this blog, you are a caring person who wishes to help humanity, and I think that’s wonderful. Compassionate people like you create positive change in the world!
Please feel free to share this post with your friends and family. After all, sharing is caring!
Author: Andrea Schulman
Andrea Schulman is a former high school psychology teacher and the creator of Raise Your Vibration Today, which provides free and easy Law of Attraction techniques. She is also available for group educational seminars and webinars.