How painful it is to go through a failed marriage? It can be one of the worse pains, you could ever feel your entire life. Blaming yourself for what happened and feeling so devastated and alone, but this you always have to consider, everything happens for a reason and that includes failed marriage.
You are not the only one going through the same situation, although not something that you can be proud of, but something that can make you strong somehow. It is not the end of the world, you never know, it can be a good beginning,
It is definitely not easy, but yes, you can do it.
1. Stop fighting with your ex
This is where you need to start, you should stop fighting with your ex, if you don’t, there is no way for you to heal. The wound will never heal, but instead it will just worsen. Fighting will never give you peace, it will just give you chaos, pain and tears. Stop fighting, instead step back and avoid him to her if you think that conversations are heating up. Fighting will offer you nothing but pain, so better stop.
2. Let it all hang out among friends
Cry if you feel like crying, laugh your heart out, feel crazy, be who you want to be with your true friends. Do not ever feel worried about what they will say or tell about you, there is no one can help you go through your situation more than yourself. If you are with your friends, be secured that they will not judge you. There is no other way to get or feel better than letting it all out. Thinking of what they would say about you, should be your least priority.
3. Reframe your anger
Not to dwell too much on the anger that you feel, but assessing and trying to evaluate where the anger is coming from, this is the easiest way for you to reflect and ease the anger you feel. Anger will just put you in an ugly situation, it will not let you think better, it will lead you saying and doing things without thinking, thus leading you to wrong decisions. Step back, do not let anger overpower you.
4. Keep the kids out of it
Yes, your children are the victims here. Trying to keep them out of this, is what you need to prioritize, although this is something not easy to do, especially when discussion of child custody starts. Do not be too hard on them though, try your best to keep them out of the ugly situations. Let them understand what you are going through, but never make them feel that something is missing. Be fair and never say bad things about the other party, as this will not serve them any good at all.
5. Explore new interest
Introduce yourself to new activities that might interest you, this is not to forget all things that you are doing before, but getting attached to new activities will somehow help you forget the past. Doing things that you both do as a couple, will just give you bitter memories. Trying new things is a way for you to kick off. Be kind to yourself and stop doing things that will make you remember. New activities anyway can somehow help you forget.
6. Reconnect to your dreams
Dreams you have built before are all forgotten, as your dreams change to what your partner is dreaming. It is time to give your own dream a chance. Do not deprive yourself from bouncing back, reconnect to the dream you have forgotten and sacrificed. It is time for you to shine and achieve what you previously given up. Do not get stuck from where you stand currently, move forward and look far.
7. Avoid using alcohol, drugs, or food to cope
Oh please, never ever use any of these to feel better. Alcohol and drugs will just lead you to a lot more worse. You will never solve your problems with addiction but instead making them worse and far fixable. Some though that eating can help them cope, actually, yes, somehow, but it will only go a bit. Do not use any substance or food to feel better, it will not help you.
8. Stick to a routine
Make yourself busy, do not dwell too much on the pain, do not spend all your time sobbing and feel pity for yourself. Look for something that will make you busy, go to the gym, involve yourself to sports etc.
Going through a divorce is not the end of the world, no one say it is okay, yes, it is painful, yes, it is not easy but one thing is for sure, you can get through it. Divorce is surely heartbreaking, that no one can deny, but dwelling on the pain will not help you at all, it will just put you to an uglier state. There are many ways that can help you cope up, thus stand up, shake your body and let the whole world know, that you can do it on your own.
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Author: Amy Sara Cores
Amy Sara Cores is one of the attorneys at Cores & Associates, L.L.C. a New Jersey-based family law firm dealing with child support cases. Graduated from Florida State University (FSU), she is a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers & certified by the Supreme Court of NJ as a Matrimonial Lawyer and a part of various Bar Associations. Apart from her educational background, Amy’s has achieved many awards right from year 2008 and was featured in the Super Lawyer’s Magazine in the year 2015. Amy also writes for various legal publications and is a regular speaker at seminars to educate young attorneys.